Full Frontal PR Report
Scott J. Milne

As I get closer to the subway station over at 86th & Lex., I brace myself to walk what I now term the gauntlet of free press.

You see, here in our heavily populated city we have free morning dailies—whether you want them or not. It wasn’t bad at first when it was just AM New York but now they have been joined by Metro NY and at times even a free The New York Sun (which normally charges 25 cents). Three newspapers jockeying for the best position in which to force a free paper into your hand is without a doubt overwhelming first thing. There’s not enough coffee to face that….

It’s bad enough that on the subway we need to contend with panhandlers shoving dirty cups in your face begging for money or someone who just knows it’s entertaining to bang a “tune” on an inside-out steel drum. Now we deal with walking the gauntlet of so-called news before we even get to the platform. Okay, it wouldn’t be so bad if the free dailies stood at the corner and passed out newspapers like those beloved Newsies did way back when, but no, they have to stand inside of the entrance leading downstairs and block commuters from making those stairs! This hinders commuters trying to get up the stairs as well. It’s a free for all. (See? Nothing’s really free.)

It’s not so much trying to get up and/or down the stairs, but more the safety matters that concern me. I notice there are newspapers and inserts strewn about on the floor down there and these yellow plastic bands used to keep the piles of papers together. I’m sure no AM or Metro representative is getting a ticket for that mess…

But, like with all things: can you spell lawsuit?

I see it clearly. Someone will trip on the collection of bands, crack their head on the stairs and sue the city for another lost 10 million bucks. All in the name of being forced on by the free newspaper of their choice! Key word: choice.

I thought a little rebellion was in order. So last May I called the station manager (only to get voicemail, naturally) and I stated my case clearly and calmly. To my shock I received a call within a week in response. That manager told me that the morning dailies are not—not!—allowed into the subway tunnels and would call the editors and remind them immediately. Within two days they were out of the subway tunnel and instead aggressively stood in front of the subway entrance so you had to physically push past them to get to the tunnel. I won?

Question: Yeah I get “free press” and all but what is it with these morning dailies that they think we want to be forced upon? Free will still overrides all. And if I wanted a free newspaper I would walk to the corner and grab one just like a flyer for Modell’s.

The Wall Street Journal reported this week that circulation for AM New York increased to 325,000 copies, more than double the 150,000 at its late 2003 launch. They credit this increase in large part to those unstoppable Newsies forcing papers into your face. Certainly the circulation is a negligible if most people grab it and toss it just get them out of their way! The Journal didn’t consider this.

And that May Day call for help? Seconds after the first rainfall, the news-pushers were back in the tunnel. And as summer swiftly became winter and weather changed from human to bracing they are right back into the stairways every chance they get and I see those little yellow bands all over the place, right by the papers strewn about by hurried commuters. I am positive this is not what our Founding Fathers had in mind, and I think the City needs to take some action.

Being civic-minded, I’ll call the station manager again. (She never seems to be “on” during the rush.) I’ll lodge another complaint and see what happens. But in a city where they can barely enforce rules of the road to out-of-control cabbies, I don’t expect much happening to cease people blocking the subway-goers.

Is the free press meant to be that kind of a hassle? The parent companies obviously think it is the bargain we make to get free info (oh, yeah, been to Google News lately?). This is one commuter who is so turned off by this type of press I wouldn’t pick it up to see our clients. (Sorry, I’ll go online for that: http://parex.metro.st/ftp/20050121_1000042.pdf)
For newsletter readers I offer the following pointed statement, with apologies to Dr S:

I do not like free morning dailies!
I do not like them here or there.
I do not like them anywhere!
I will not read them in the rain…
I will not read them on the train!

As I’m on my way to work every morning and I can’t help but think of Garbo’s famous words. As a diehard New Yorker I cling to them:

“I vant to be alone!”

Scott J. Milne is RLM CEO’s Richard Laermer unflappable Executive Assistant. And he loves his town with gusto.